A great find – wrap up

The final versions of the “A great find” short story. Some remarks below.

Panacea - A great find page 1
Panacea - A great find page 2
Panacea - A great find page 3
Panacea - A great find page 4

  • I got rid of the texture layers, in the end I think this looks better.
  • A lot of page 2 and 3 is pretty redundant, I could have told the same thing probably in one page, certainly within one and a half.
  • Why the hell didn’t I draw the bag in image 2 page 3?
  • Ditto for image 1 page 4. He (Maqiloh)even refers to it in what he says.
  • That text is horrible!
  • I like the look of page 4 overall
  • Changed some small things on page 3, mostly added some green, it was very bleak
  • Twice within the span of just two pages basically the same close up of a hand reaching for the bag. Tsssss
  • Overall I like page 1 still best, but those trees in image one are really too small.

2 Responses to “A great find – wrap up”

  1. Jan says:

    Cool, nice to see the whole thing! I think you make some good points. To add to them:
    – I really like the landscape shots on page 1 and 3. I see what you mean about the trees on page 1, but it didn’t bother me at first. Nice feeling of depth in the waterfall shot.
    – Good range of facial expressions for Sila! All the characters are looking good and consistent.
    – The text is not horrible. :-) But it doesn’t really have a strong ‘punchline’ or ‘clou’, which I think you need for such a short story. And please end those poor sentences with a period or exclamation mark or something, don’t leave them hanging in the air like that! ;-)
    – You alluded to this already: the bag is the focus of the story, but is not really displayed prominently everywhere. I was confused at first because I had missed the fact that she lost it on page 1. Maybe a close-up of the strap breaking would have helped there. And when she’s reaching for it later, you might have shown the whole bag instead of just the strap.

    But overall, looking great! This bodes very well for the Panacea proper. :-)

  2. Gijs says:

    Agreed and thanks for the feedback (I’ll fix the sentences :-).

    Another important lesson perhaps: go extreme. I should exaggerate the postures, movement and expressions even more. Make close-ups closer. Wide shots wider. It’s all still pretty static.

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